Unpack: Help your child take a metacognitive approach to his feelings by asking open-ended questions.Learning to put his feelings and experiences in context will help your child gain perspective and build resilience. Busman, “so when something embarrassing happens to your child it can feel like everyone is thinking about it as much as he is, when in reality most kids will have moved on by the next day.” Of course you know that’s not true but kids, especially younger ones, often struggle to see beyond their own feelings, which can make embarrassing situations feel like front-page news. If your child fell in gym class and other kids laughed, it may seem to him as though everyone saw, everyone laughed and no one will ever forget it - ever. Teasing - even if it seems gentle - can be very upsetting to kids, especially if they’re already feeling sensitive. If small embarrassments are treated with ridicule, kids may start associating even minor missteps with feelings of shame and humiliation. No teasing: Kids accidentally do and say some very funny things, but it’s important not to mock mistakes or poke fun at embarrassing incidents.Stay calm: If you lose your cool when an embarrassing situation happens to you, or react by becoming angry or upset, you’re sending a message to your child that it’s a big deal.Don’t obsess: If you tend to dwell on mistakes you’ve made (“I can’t believe I did that!” “I could have died of embarrassment!”), it’s more likely your child will do the same.Taking a look at how you deal with embarrassing experiences at home will help you set an example of healthy behavior for your child. “As parents we set the behavioral tone for our kids,“ says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, “So when we’re helping children learn healthy emotional habits, the first step is to consider how we handle similar situations in our own lives.” Kids look to parents for cues on how to manage difficult emotions like embarrassment. Or if your child is so worried about being embarrassed that they avoid activities most kids enjoy, they could be struggling with social anxiety disorder, and may need help. But if a child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on. Offer perspective: “It might feel like everyone will remember this forever, but…” And praise resilience: “Sure, you made a mistake, but I loved how you just kept playing! That was amazing!”Įmbarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time. Then, focus on moving on and modeling healthy coping skills. Instead, let them know you take their feelings seriously. When kids are embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss their feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal. Something that sounds small to you - like giving the wrong answer in class- may feel huge to your child. Instead, let kids see you handling embarrassing experiences in a reasonable way: “Whew! That was embarrassing! But it was kind of funny, too.”Įmbarrassment can be a powerful emotion for kids. This doesn’t mean you should hide embarrassments. When you feel embarrassed, set an example by responding calmly and keeping your cool. Kids look to parents to see how to behave. Helping kids build resilience and confidence will make sure they have tools to deal with embarrassment in a healthy way. But for kids, being embarrassed can be very upsetting. For grown-ups, minor embarrassments are no big deal.
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